BACK TO NORMAL???


Well, I hope everyone had a nice, relaxing Christmas. I hope you all felt Peace in your spirit. Joy in your soul. Love in your heart.
My Christmas was nice. I got to sleep in (which I love), My morning Starbucks(thanks to the 24hrs), and an amazing lunch with my family. Santa was good to me this year too! It was a nice day.

NOW. Back to reality. I am currently taking a break from packing to write this post. I have the pleasure(kidding) of traveling to Dallas to open a new store this week. Yeah! It is going to be a very long week and I am really bummed that I am having to go. Normally, I would have this week off. Vacation. Not this year. My request was denied and I am leaving on a jet plane in the morning to what will be a week from HELL.
On the bright side, I do get to see some of my friends that work with me and we tend to laugh a lot...Drink A LOT...EAT A LOT!!! It will be good times. I normally look forward to work trips for these very reasons. Just not this year.
OH...Did I mention that the trip will take me into the NEW YEAR?!?! Yes, folks that's right. I will be working New Years Eve and Day in a different city. I am probably least happy about this the most. I would really like to spend the time with family and friends. Heck, I would like to spend it with the guy I just started seeing a month ago!!! He's not real happy about this either. Oh well. Whacha gonna do? I don't really have an option. Its my job. Maybe I will ask him to drive up for the night and we can hang out together...We shall see.

So I will not be blogging this week. No access to a computer.
Happy New Year everyone and I will talk to you guys next week.
Until Next Time...

M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S! ! !
A N D
H A P P Y N E W Y E A R! ! !


I hope that everyone is doing well this Holiday Season and Peace, Hope, Joy, and Love are alive and well in your Hearts.

xxoo,
Jim

IS IT CHRISTMAS YET???


I have to tell you...I am feeling a little bit like the Grinch! It's sad really because I love this time of year. With all the Lights. Decorations. The smell of pine. There seems to be an air of Hope that hangs around. Love. Peace. You know, all the things that are Christmas.
Unfortunately...These things or emotions are lost in the mall. It is "crazy time" for all the holiday shoppers. The thoughts in their minds are that THEY are the only ones who need things and that YOU need to provide it for them. I had a lady the other day tell me to "read" this book that we sell to her to see if she likes it. I politely opened the book. Made her hold out her hands. And said "Here you go. Read." She had a shocked look on her face. Here I am with nearly 40 shirts in my hand, that I had put down to answer her question, and all she wanted me to do was read her a book. Good Grief!!! She wasn't a child. NO...She wasn't impaired. She could read. Just lazy! Snotty actually. Which, in my opinion gives me full license to be snotty back! Yes, yours truly can be a bitch. I'm ok with that. Thank Goodness I'm not in sales! It would have cost me.
...As for the rest of my world...
Starting to date this guy. Nice guy. His name is Patrick. Trying to keep level headed about the whole thing. Not to jump the gun. He is tall. Handsome. Green eyes (which is my weakness). Smart. You know all the things that we look for. He and I are going to dinner, again, tomorrow evening so lets hope it all goes well.

I am going to wrap things up now. Need to shower and get ready for bed. I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow.

Until Next Time...

THE DAY IS OVER...THANK GOODNESS!!!


If you want an idea as to how my day was...My boss/friend and I are emailing each other back and forth acting like we are different people playing joke on one another. Making fun of each other... What makes it worse is that she and I live 3 blocks away from each other. LOL!!! BTW..."SIX" we took the "reindeer quiz" and she was Blitzen and I was Vixen. LOL! The world is not right this evening.

I am glad to say that I held my cool today with a couple of co-workers. If it wouldn't have cost me my job, I might have told one of them to go F@#K herself and that I hope she got hemorrhoids in the process! Yes, the one person that I work with that gets right up my nose was in full swing today! I swear it took all that was in me to not just...Well lets just say that more grey hairs came through today!
I cam home looked at my nicely decorated tree and thought just let it go! So I am, but first I wanted to right about it in my blog.

I hope everyone's week is going well and I will type more later.
Until Next Time...

THREE THINGS I KNOW FOR SURE:

1. My name is Jim (not James)!
2. Life goes on!!
3. Work sucks for me this time of year!!!

Until Next Time...

IM BACK!


It just seems that the world lately for me has gotten SO BUSY that I am not getting anything for myself done. When I do have down time I have little to no energy to get anything accomplished. Does anybody know how I feel? UUGGGHHH!
Work lately has been out of control. We've had a couple of VIP's come to town which means really long hours and for what? Its Christmas time so all your work is done in vain. People just come in destroy everything that you did the day before; its a never ending cycle. I also have my Visual District Manager coming to town and she gets a little particular about the details...And right now, there isn't time to focus on the details! She's a great woman, but she does tend to get stuck on something and not let it go. SO, Tuesday-Thursday will end with a round of drinks!!! Be thinking about me...LOL!!

Other News...
I have started dating again. I guess I never really stopped, its just been a long time since I have gone on one...LOL! He is a very nice guy, Handsome, Tall, and very confident. Which of course makes me nervous as hell and I start to say the dumbest things. I hope I don't mess this up before it gets going. I am going to relax about it, take it all in stride. I was happy before him and I will continue to be that way. I will fill you guys in when there are more details...

One more thing...
I have met a really interesting guy on line. I don't want to give specifics, but he is still in the closet and is very scared to come out. WE have very similar backgrounds and I am able to answer questions for him. He is a sweet man and I really hope that he comes to terms with himself and realizes that he can still have a relationship with God and be gay. He has a lot to learn and I want him to be happy. So, if you ever think about him...Wish him the best. More on this later too!

IM going to let you guys go now. I have got to finish my Christmas tree and clean up the house for a party later on this week...MORE THINGS TO DO!!! Is it January yet? LOL!!!
Have a good week everyone. Until Next Time...

YES...I AM A BAD PERSON!!!


Well, the truth be told...I havent felt like blogging lately. A great deal has been going on, just havent felt like writing about it, thats all. I have continued to read all of you guy's blogs though. It has been nice to take a break and I am only writing this tonight to let you guys know that I havent fallen off the blog-wagon...just taking a break. I have some interesting news though, so I will write tomorrow night about everything that has been going on.
Good Night Everyone.
Until Next Time...

YET AGAIN...


OK. So work has been crazy. The Holidays have got me crazy. All the travel that I am having to do...You guessed it. HAS ME CRAZY!!!
So, I booked another massage. I know, I know...You just a massage. But last time was for fun, this time it was needed. Wouldn't you know it. Things "sprung to life" again. I didn't have time before to masturbate so I walked into the session already anticipating things. And I wasn't disappointed! There I was lying on the heated table with a paper thin sheet covering my business and BOOM! The dick is in the air. I got embarrassed again. I even think I might have sprung a leak...OMG! I can not believe I am handing over all this information. If its TMI...Get over it. This is my blog and that is that.
Good Night everyone. I must go and take care if business. The its time to take care of that "leak"...
Until Next Time...

WHAT A DAY!!!


Will someone please tell me why is it that when you wake up in the morning. Bright eyed and bushy tailed! Ready to take on the world! Why does it come and crap all over you? Just a question...LOL!!!
I awoke this morning, sleepy but in a great mood. Got to work EARLY. Ate my breakfast, drank my coffee. Then the S#@& hit the fan. I was informed that my large window instillation that I just completed...Will be changed in 2 weeks to highlight newer product (resort wear). I mean this window was labor intensive. Wallpaper, Velvet curtains. Snow. Logs. Christmas trees. The works! (FYI...For those who do not know, I am a visual manager for a famous men's retailer)
Anyway. I called my boss and asked if the new windows could be delayed until after Christmas? She said, flat out...NO!!! I was like, "Why Not?" She said it was my job to follow corporate directive and that I could work some where else if I didn't want to do it. Let me state this first. I am at the #6 store in the company. My store carries the district. I know that I am replaceable, everyone is, I felt very unsupported. My boss telling me "someone else can come and do your job if you don't want to"...UUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

I have to stop talking about it. I am still angry! This post is getting me more mad so I need to stop. I will just say that I am employed. I still love my job. My superiors still love me and the work that I do.
Today was a day that started wonderfully and went down hill rather quickly!
Tomorrow is a new day. Its all good I suppose.
Until Next Time...

QUOTE OF THE WEEK...

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"
I am going to make an effort to really live this this week. I challenge you all to do the same.
Until Next Time...

SEXUAL FRUSTRATION...


Ok. Its official. I have hit an all time high on the S.F. scale. It is getting crazy. I was out with my boss today after work. We had a couple of cocktails and there was a guy at the bar...Very handsome...I wanted to take him over the bar. It didn't help that he was looking our direction. Of course He could have been looking at my boss, she is very attractive. Anyway. The mix of alcohol and handsome, manly man has left me HORNY AS HELL!!! I realize I write about sex a lot, its because I am not getting any. I had to kick my "friends w/benefits" to the curb because he got himself a girlfriend. Since she didn't know about me and his gayness I just felt the need to end it all. It was the right thing to do. Of course that has left me with no sexual outlet...And its starting to piss me off.
Maybe I should re-evaluate. Rethink my priorities. Its just hard to do that when you are incredibly horny and all you want to do is get laid.

Maybe I will get a good book and go read. I am to tired to hit the bars, work today was hell! So, I will let all of you go for now. I am off to Borders to get a book and maybe I might find me a guy while I am there...LOL!
Until Next Time...

ME...


I don't want to sound narsastic...Really I don't...But I am grateful for me. I have had to overcome many adversities in life and I have managed to remain level-headed about it all. I am thankful for all the hardships that have made me to the man I am today.
Yes, I am giving thanks for many other things tomorrow besides myself. I have wonderful friends, life wouldn't be the same with out them. I have my health. I have a great job I love. I have a beautiful family. Most importantly I have my faith that keeps me grounded and incredibly humble.

Thanks will be given for all the many blessings in my life.
Until Next Time...

ps...This post is meant with the purest of hearts. I don't think that I am all of that and I realize my faults. I was talking more of the inner, spiritual side of "ME" when I was posting this.

IMAGINATION...



I know that imagination is a unusual thing to be grateful for...But I am. Imagination has allowed me to do my job well. It along with artistic creativity has given me solutions for problems that occur and has given me much job satisfaction. And Job Satisfaction, now days, is something to be really grateful for.

I also love that I have a very active imagination because it allows me to have the most mind blowing sex! Did I get your attention? Good. I mean that statement, just not the way it seems. I am currently single, its not a bad thing, just when it comes to sex...Its me and the right hand (sometimes the Left one too). Is that too much information for ya? Well, get over it! Just kidding. But the imagination that plays into my sex life (all be it in my head) is truly spectacular. Who knew that the body could bend in so many ways! I have to tell you...My future partner better have a good to great sex drive because I have some wild and crazy things that I am ready to try out! You think I am kidding don't you?!?!? Well IM not!!!

So hear is a toast to IMAGINATION! May it be something that we never take for granted and let it be a trait that we cherish.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Until Next Time...

CHICAGO!


Yes, I have been in Chicago for the last 8 days! I was there for work and I have to tell you...I love that city. It was freezing cold for this southern boy but I did love it. Of course the vain side of me hates all of the layers because you can end up looking about the size of a small house...LOL!

Anyway
It was a great deal of work, nearly 70 hours to be exact. But, I was with friends from all over the country and that is always nice.
It is weird to come back though and the Holiday season is here. It is very weird to be seeing Christmas commercials already. UUGGHHHHH!!! I swear this time of year comes faster and faster every year. And, every year I tell myself that this year will be different. I will have all of my "ducks in a row" as my brother used to say. Of course, everything is in order...there are just certain things in life that would be nice to have. I would really like to have a man to share my life with. I know that it wouldnt complete me...I feel complete already. It would be nice to have that special someone to come home to after a long day and just snuggle on the couch on cold nights like tonight. Please dont mis-understand...I am very blessed. I have a wonderful life and I have very little to complain about. I am very grateful for everything that I have and I am trying to spend this week giving "Thanks" for the many blessings.

So, be prepared...the next couple of post will be about me giving thanks for the things and people in my life.

Have a great week everyone.
Until Next Time...

TRUE CONFESSIONS


OK. I realize that I am a grown man. My age is 35. But I have a confession that will make me seem like I am a 7 year old boy...LOL!!!
I am terrified of Lightening and Thunder! Yes, it is pouring down rain here and I am scared to death. I don't know what to do with myself. I though if I posted something that it might help. Of course I have had a couple of cocktails and that isn't hurting either!
I have always been scared of it and it's times like this that make me really want a MAN around. Someone that I can curl up with in bed and hide my face in their chest when the lightening crashes and the thunder claps!
Actually when you put a sexual turn on it...it doesn't seem like a bad idea! A Hot guy lying in my bed telling me to come join him. Telling me that He will take care of me and make everything Ok! YUM!!! That sounds pretty HOT! OF course, that isn't the way life is right now and I guess I will have to suck it up. Be a man. Tough out the storm! If only it were that easy.

I guess for the time being I will just have to get into bed, pull up the covers, and hide my face in the pillows until the storm passes!!!

It really is times like this that I wish I had a man...
Until Next Time...

MY MUSIC FOR THE WEEK...


OK, I dont normally suggest music for people to listen to. That is such a unique thing for everyone. But, Jeff Buckley is a guy that I have been listening to lately. The power and emotion in his voice is beautiful and tragic all at the same time. If you have never heard him...please check him out. I posted the lyrics to his songs "Last Goodbye"..."So Real". Amazing! Just check him out and let me know what you think.

"SO REAL"

Love, let me sleep tonight on you couch
And remember the smell of the fabric
Of your simple city dress

Oh... that was so real

We walked around til the moon got full like a plate
The wind blew an invocation and I fell asleep at the gate
And I never stepped on the cracks cause I thought Id hurt my mother
And I couldnt awake from the nightmare that sucked me in and pulled me under
Pulled me under

Oh... that was so real

I love you, but Im afraid to love you
I love you, but Im afraid to love you


"Last Goodbye"

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then i'll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know

This is our last embrace
Must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Well, maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all

Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know it makes me so angry 'cause i know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

Did you say 'no, this can't happen to me,'
And did you rush to the phone to call
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
Saying maybe you didn't know him at all
You didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime



Well, I didnt have much to post about today. Well actually I did, just didnt feel like doing it. Tell you about it tomorrow.
Until Next Time...

REGRET...


Well, I had a golden opportunity today to "take the bull by the horns" so to speak, and I chickened out. I am very disappointed in myself. Actually, truth be told, I had two chances today but missed them both.

Lets start with the least important one...The guy from Friday. I had to goto the market on Friday for fresh flowers for an event we were having at work. Well, while I was at the market I had noticed an attractive guy to my left in a doctors coat. He was very cute and a little younger than me...I guess. As it turns out, I guess he thought I was attractive too because He started to cruise me in line. I am always amazed when guys cruise me...Not sure why, just am. Don't get me wrong, I am an attractive guy. Pretty handsome, if I do say so myself (FYI. I am laughing as I type this). Anyway. The guy ended up leaving and I thought that was the end of that. Well...I saw him again today! Same coat and he was walking in front of the window that I was changing out. He all but stopped to look at me and his friend called his name and it snapped him back to reality. What sealed the deal was that he stopped at the front doors to look for me and he smiled and walked away when our eyes met again. Now. If I was smart I would have walked out the door and introduced myself or, at the very least, walked and stood behind the counter where he would have seen me and maybe walked in himself. Opportunity...GONE!!! Not the end of the world. But disappointing, none the less!

The second chance that I missed today...Which was far more regretful was with Roy. Roy is a guy that I knew before I came out of the closet 7 years ago. I had the biggest crush on him and my manhood would often just spring to life when he entered the room. Of course, it would be nice if I gave you the complete story on Roy...He was my Music Minister at the church I had been attending. He always had a way about him that just made me weak. Of course when I came out...Changed churches...My time admiring Roy came to an end. Well not to be a "gossippy-hen"...There has been rumors that Roy actually was fired from the church because He was hiding a secrete. That of him being gay. YES! I know its all hear-say. But the source was very reliable and I do not doubt the validity of the story. OK...Back to the present! I saw Roy today! In line at Starbucks!!! I got an erection just at the sight of Him. He is very handsome and I can not believe that I...Yes, I just kept on walking. Didn't even say Hello! In my mind I had rationalized it by saying that it had been over 5 years since our last conversation. But I realize now that THAT is a POOR EXCUSE!!! He looked soooooo good. His blond hair had darkened and it was becoming grey at the temples. Very sexy! He was also sporting a goatee. Even more sexy. Even as I type this my heart is racing and there is a stirring in my boxers!
Well, I have never been so mad at myself. I let this chance pass me by. Granted (rationalization) he WAS with someone. Some older lady...NOT his wife! Good grief! I am sounding like a school girl! I just had to get this off my chest. It was a very dismal day today. My doctor coat boy and the crush of all crushes, ROY, came into my life today and I let them go...OOOHHHHHHH the shame!

Until Next Time...

AFTERNOONS...


OK, it's Sunday afternoon, the rain is falling and I feel a little blue. I have been cleaning up around here and I ran across some old photo's and cards. I guess whats sad about it all is that most of the cards brought back a flood of memories, not all of them good. They are from a time long ago and are from friends that have "wrote me off" because I was gay. I wouldnt change anything about the journey I have been on or the path that my life has taken...its just hard sometimes to face the fact that some people cannot accept you as you are. It is really sad to think of the good times that we had. All of the bonding. Fights. Laughs Cries. Its just sad. I thought that my friends and I would be close for ever. WE shared so much with one another and I guess it was just too much for them to handle. I dont usually go down "memory lane" but it just sorta happened. I will put the cards in a box and store them away. I should just throw them out...but I want to keep them. They remind me of the past and what a diffrent person I was. A man that was hiding. Lying to myself. Weak and vulnerable.
I have made major strides to embrace the man I have become. I feel complete and strong. I stand on my own and my head is held high.
Not sure why I felt like posting about this...its just where I am today, mentally speaking.
So, here is a toast to the PAST...PRESENT...and most of all, THE FUTURE!
CHEERS!!!
Until Next Time...

RELAXATION


Ok. So life, for me, has been a bit of a rollercoaster lately. No ones falt...Just life. I thought that it would be good to treat myself to a massage. I was correct. It was "good times" and I just wanted to share some of the things that happened that...Well...Almost made me laugh out of embarrassing.
First of all...The therapist's name is Ryan. He is really cute and has a very gentle spirit about him. Puts you at easy. Well, yours truly decided to scarf down some dinner before I went to the appointment. BIG MISTAKE!!! I felt like I was going to break wind at any moment. Do you realize how hard it is to keep your cheeks closed when someone is massaging your ass! Well, I think I turned a quarter into 2 dimes and a nickel. What made it worse is he used his whole fore arm to go over each cheek...ooohhhhh the pressure! I kept thinking I will never be able to come back to this guy. I am about to FART right in his face!!! It was not good. Well, I finally collected myself. Relaxed again and the gas subsided. Thank goodness. Now, onto the next part...
Let me say this...I am very modest. Way to body conscious. I am by now means fat. But somewhere in my mind I cannot let go of the "old fat me". It is a problem and I should goto therapy...But that's for another post.
Well, Ryan is working my thighs and legs. I am laying there Buttass naked and only a thin sheet covering my bits and pieces...Well decides to "come to life" right there on the table? Yes, James and the giant peaches!!! I swear. I have never been so beside myself. So I take the adult approach and rational and convince myself that "he has seen this before and its not a big deal." Well, it didn't work. I guess I should say that my inner thigh, for me, is like a start button when it comes to sex. I am 0 to 60 in no time when you start rubbing my inner thigh. Well, He kept at it and things rose to the occasion. Of course it didn't help that he kept brushing the "boys" in his upstrokes! I think, horror of all horrors, I might have even started to spring a leak! YIKES!!! With only this paper thin sheet to cover with. It looked like I was at a Boy Scout camp-out! Uuuggghhhhhh!
Oh well. I did, obviously, enjoy myself. AND I will go back to Ryan again. I think the next time I might just "take care of business" before I go though!
Ok, well, I have talked about nearly farting and getting an erection all in the space of a paragraph. It is time to go!
Until Next Time...

ALONE?


There are times that, to be honest, I feel all alone. Yes, I have a great deal of friends that I love and they love me. I am saying this all wrong I think. There are times however, that I feel...Well, alone. More like lonely I guess. When the hustle and bussle of life has you going a million miles an hour...Sometimes you just want to come home and place your head on your lovers lap and be still. Know what I mean?
Anyway.
That's how I have been feeling lately. NO, I am not looking for sympathy. Just wanted to be honest with where I am in life right now...Tonight.

Well, I came across this goofy thing on another blog. Take a look at it and see how many there are of "you".
Until Next Time...

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 209 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

PERVERT...OR NORMAL GAY MALE?


Ok...So, at my apartment complex, we have covered parking (which is nice in the summer and great when its raining). Well the other night I was going to my car to clean it out and I looked up into the apartments. All of our bedrooms look-out to the parking spots. Well, I found my bedroom...I always check to make sure that you can't see in because I get a little carried away with myself sometimes...LOL! Anyway, the guy that lives above me was at his computer working I assumed. His blinds were pulled up abit and I could see him sitting there typing. I wasn't staring its just the movement caught my eye. MOVING ON...He is a very handsome guy that always smiles and says hello. His girlfriend is not nearly as nice.

IM rambling again!

Well the other night while he was at his desk and I was cleaning out my car...He stood up and pulled his shorts off and stood at the computer. Ass in total view. I couldn't see if he was "taking care of business" but I know that's what he was doing. Well needless to say it totally turned me on! He has a beautiful ass and it really got me going. So much so that I forgot that I was outside and a car pulled around the corner. BUSTED!!!
I have felt guilty ever since and at the same time cant stop thinking about his butt! Yes, it was that good!!!

Anyway...I just feel like a complete PEEPING TOM and I need to check myself in. Someone please tell me that you would have done the same thing. Stared for abit while the guy worked on himself. To answer the next question...No I couldn't see his Dick...DAMN!!!

Until Next Time...

THE PAST TWO WEEKS...



I was going to write about some things that have been going on for the last 2 weeks. Actually, I started a post about this one night in particular, but it is becoming way to long and even I don't want to read about it...But maybe I will post about it later because it is funny!

Here are the elements of the last couple of weeks in my life:
A new guy, from out of town (of course). A couple of GREAT dates. HIS ex-lover! A fight. MOTEL 6. Drug dealers stalking me (only the one night). Female Hookers looking for action (the same night). A NASTY-ASS hotel room (motel 6). Staying in this flea-bag for a couple of hours (I still itch...All in my head, of course)My "new friend" calling to tell me he got home after his ex-lover showed up at the airport causing an argument in which, my friend, called the guy a Faggot and then the "ex" threw the plate of food on his head (right before he was to board his plane). An argument involving a co-worker. My assistant quitting. Cancun. The Ritz Carlton. Getting fried by the sun. Turning back to white RIGHT away (I swear it looks like I spent all of Cancun in the room). Relaxation! (Can you say amen to the relaxation part!!!!)

Well, there you have it. A crazy couple of weeks! I may write about it for real sometime but for now I think I will just be happy to relax this weekend and keep it simple. There has been enough drama for awhile.
Until Next Time...

WHAT A VACATION!!!


I have to brag for just a bit...AAAHHHH The Ritz Carlton in Cancun was amazing! I loved the fact that we were picked up at the airport, driven to the hotel, greeted with champagne. Good Times. The staff could not have been more accommodating. Everything was thought out and well prepared by the staff that I wanted for nothing! I am here to tell you...If you have the opportunity...GO! We stayed on the "Club Level" which was extra special. The Hotel had "presentations" (buffets) roughly every 3 hours and it was amazing. Cocktails were continuously flowing and I swear I just felt like a King. Of course I already think that I am a King; it was just nice for someone else to treat me like one! J/K!!!!
I will share more details later.
Until Next Time...

H A P P Y
C O M I N G - O U T
D A Y!!!

AAHHH L I F E!!!


Well, its Wednesday evening and I have had one of those days.
Lets start off by saying that I had insomnia last night! Good Times. So, when the alarm went off at 6:30 this morning I was not a happy camper! To add to the beautiful day...I got my review. It was all really good except for one part. I got some marks against me because I didn't communicate with a manager that the whole company wants to get rid of. She is a woman that is hateful and condescending to all of her staff and to upper management. Why don't they fire her? Good question. I think part of it is that her numbers are well above goals (40-50%) and it is hard to get rid of someone like that. The fact that everyone cannot communicate with her and that she is a royal bitch shouldn't reflect on my review!

Enough about that!

More to the list that made this an amazing day...Dentist Visit! Yes, yours truly had to get a root canal today. Let me just tell you that a trip to the dentist is...Well lets just say I would rather swim in shark infested waters covered in fish guts! I had taken a valuim to be able to get there with out screaming like a girl. The "V" didn't kick in till about 15 minutes into the procedure. Thank goodness that it kicked in because I was really starting to have an anxiety attack!

But all is well. The tooth is feeling fine and I am in great spirits. I have a great deal to be thankful for. True, the "Dallas" friend sorta fell off the face of the earth. His lost right!?!? It didn't help that he blew me off after I sent some more photos of myself. But like a friend told me...Fuck Him! I thought that was a little harsh but what ya gonna do?

I hope everyone is doing well and the week is nearly over! Yippee!!!
Until Next Time...

V A C A T I O N!!!


I am sooooo ready for my vacation, you have NO IDEA!!! I just really need to get away and relax. Don't get me wrong. I love Houston and always have. I just need to be on a beach for a while. Relax! Recharge! Regroup! Know what I mean? It just seems that here lately I have been given a great deal of "curve balls" and I am tired of "striking out". Sorry for the baseball analogy...it was all I could come up with. Well, thank goodness that CANCUN is only 2 weeks away. Of course, they will probably be the LONGEST 2 weeks known to man...but thats ok. I cant wait to get there...be pampered and waited on 24/7...AAHHHH Good Times!

I hope everyone had a nice weekend and enjoyed their Mondays.
Until Next Time...

IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED!


Yes, my dear bloggworld friends...It has finally happened. I guess it was around 2:30 today (give or take a few hours). I have decided to embrace my single-hood. Yes, I know that I shouldn't speak like this. Oh Well, life will go on.
I think, for me, that the men I come across tend to be a little self involved and are incapable of a deep meaningful conversation. And God forbid you actually show some real emotion...Hell that scares them off faster than My dates dress at our Senior Prom.
Seriously though, what is with the guys today. I should say only the ones I come into contact with, but apparently this is a common thread that runs in our community.

What happened to all the TRUE gentlemen out there. You know the ones that are considerate, compassionate, thoughtful, understanding, honest, dependable, respectful...I could go on for days. It isn't like I am looking for the Miracle Man...God knows I have my own hang-ups. I just want a man to treat me with a little respect. Show a little tenderness and compassion. I would love it if He had an ounce of decency as well. But apparently I am asking for too much.
So, I have decided to just be with myself. Do things for myself that I would normally do for someone that I am dating.

All is well, in the grand scheme of things and I hope that you all are happy for me. I plan on registering at Pottery Barn if anyone is interested in celebrating this new relationship I am in with myself.
Until Next Time...

AS THE WORLD TURNS...


Yes...Today is Friday and it couldn't have come fast enough. This has been the longest week known to man and I am happy to have a couple of days off of work to rest, relax, drink, and recover.
I've had to work 11 of the last 12 days and this boy is tired. Let me tell ya'...that aint good!!! When I get this tired the mind plays tricks on you. Another thing that's not good. It also makes me cranky...and when that happens...watch out because I become a real bitch. AND THATS THE WORST!!! So, tonight I am going to finish this post. Make me a cocktail and watch some good movies.

Happy Weekend everyone,
Until Next Time...

THE GAMES PEOPLE PLAY...


OK, can I say something that might piss-off a couple of you guys...
I think that I am done! DONE! I tell ya.
There is a certain type of GAY man that loves to play games. Well I am here to tell you that I am DONE WITH THAT!!!
I know all the psyco-bable. That in some way that I am opening myself up to that type of guy. Well, I AM NOT!!! Yes, that might sound like I am being defensive, I'm not. Its just that I am tired of being played. Does anyone know what I mean? It's just getting old. If you are of a certain age...quite being stupid! Know what you want! STOP telling me what I want to hear; tell me waht you are thinking and lets move on!

ENOUGH ABOUT THAT

Today I did have a really interesting moment happen at work. I was in the food court getting a soda and I saw a tall guy walking towards me. It looked like he was with his folks and I really didnt pay him much attention. Something inside told me to look one more time, so I did. Our eyes met and I had the strangest thing happen. It was like this guy saw the real me. It was almost like we were looking at each others souls. Does that make any sense? I felt like this guy was seeing ALL of me and I actually felt naked. It was strange but beautiful at the same time. Please someone tell me they have had this happen before. I am not talking about being cruised in a bar. Thats completely different. I get cruised all the time in this city...I am talking about a weird...strange...humbling...Soul Connection!

Well I guess you had to be there. It was strange. Lifted my spirits and left me feeling very vulnerable (in a good way).

Ok...Now that I have rambled on about absolutely nothing. I will leave you all now. Have a great day and I will blog later on.
Until Next Time...

WHERE DO I SIGN UP...


Ok, so I wasn't going to BLOG tonight but I thought I should just let yall in on my current mood state.
I think it would best be summed up with the question..."Where do I sign up for some anger management classes?"
IM not real sure why, but today I could and would have loved to have GONE OFF on somebody. Maybe its sleep deprivation...Lack of sex...OH HELL...It could just be my time of the month! But events in my life right now have left me angry with very little action I can take to make things better.

I have come to the conclusion that I must take control of the things that I can control and let the rest just fall away. My problem is that I cant let things go very easily. But I am going to give it my best shot!

So lets hope, for the time being, that the "classes" wont be needed and that things will get back on track.

Have a good day everyone!
Until Next Time...

WHAT THE F#@&!!!!


That is what came to my mind today when I went in to work after being gone all last week!!! I realize that people get busy and things are maintained like they should be....But come on! I just stood there for the longest time not knowing where to begin. I was feelin' overwhelmed. To make matters worse, my assistant was off last week also and the whole place was a complete mess!!! I could not put my mind around it.
SO...Like any good employee I just threw my hands in the air and said...WHAT THE F#@&!!!

I guess in the grand scheme of things...It all means JOB SECURITY!!!
But I gotta tell ya, I thought today was going to "break" me and I just refuse to let my job control more of my life than necessary.

I hope everyone's Monday was better than mine...
Until Next Time...

WHAT A WEEK...


Ok, so I was traveling last week with my job. Ususally it's a great deal of fun and I love to see all my friends that I have in the company. We "WORK HARD AND PLAY HARDER!" I dont think a day went by that drinks werent being poured and one of us had too many. That is saying alot if you new how conservative people thought our company was.
ANYWAY
I guess my friend Jason and I were a little to intimidating to the others because mid-week we both started getting stares. At first, I could care less. I generally dont care what people think of me, but for some reason by day 3 I was ready to Kick some Ass! I blame this aggression on the previous post's subject and my new found love of the UFC...
(Back to the story)
Well it was day 3 and I guess someone had complained that we (Jason & I) were being a little to cliquish and decided to goto our boss about it. Well, again, I dont care about others opinions but it just so happens that TODAY, I CARED!!! And the lovely boss I have (sorry AJ) decided that it would be smart for the two of us to be separated at dinner so that the others wouldnt feel left out. Keep in mind that we are all adults here. NO children, so to speak. And Jason is a guy that I have known for close to 5 years and we have always gotten along well. The whole thing just pissed me off and I ended up getting moved to the end of the table where all the people that had been giving me dirty looks all week were seated. Lets just say that I was pissed! When I sat down one of them told me, "Dont worry Jim, We dont bite and I think you will be safe."
I swear I almost punched him accross the table. Trying to belittle me with His attitude and trying to say that he was the "top dog" at that end of the table. I tell you I almost hit him for real. I dont do violence but I got to be honest I could have easily taken him out and not given a rats ass.

Besides all of the "trivial" things that happened during the week I really enjoyed myself. Talked to old friends that I hear on the phone all of the time but rarely get to see. So, It was good.
Im dog-ass tired and I have spent most of today sleeping. But thats OK, tomorrow is just around the corner..."another day another dollar", right?
Have a great Monday, & Until Next Time...

This is what I need right NOW!!!
Im sorry to drive the "horny" point home but, Damn!!!
Good Week Everyone!!!
Until Next Time...

SEX ANYONE???

OK, now that I have your attention...LOL!
I am going to put it out there and tell the truth. I AM HORNY!!! I know a lot of you guys and gals DO NOT need to know that but I am.

The fact that NOAH'S ARC is about to float by means that I cant go out tonight and "see and be seen". Of course, that only makes the problem worse. When it rains, for some reason I get restless and want to get out of the house. And well...That's just not going to happen tonight.

To make matters worse, I talked to my friend in Dallas last night for a good hour. It was great and we had a really good heart to heart. He does seem like an amazing guy and I could fall for him very easily!!!

Well, I will go into all of that later. I just wanted to let the "whole blog world" know that I need to get some soon. It has been the desert over here and the fact that its raining outside...Well it makes me realize what an ironic world we live in.

Sleep well everyone.
Until Next Time...

FRIDAY!

Ok, so its Friday evening and I am getting ready to head over to a friends house for cocktails and what not...It should be a blast and I am looking forward to it. However my mind is a million miles away. The guy that I have been having conversations with in Dallas emailed me last night and told me that He had had a really rough day and that He could really use a hug from me.
There are 2 things that run through my mind...
1. Damn, the only guy that needs me in my life right now lives 225 miles away and that sucks!!! 2. The guy needed me!

I know what some of you are thinking..."LOOSERVILLE, population 1" I know, it does sound a bit crazy. But I really felt bad for the guy and wanted to be able to be there for him. I know he will be fine. But it still sucks. Over the last 3 months we have really gotten to know about each other and I guess my heart holds a special place for him now.
NO... I don't think that we are boy friends. Not even close. We are just to guys that are cute and have expressed an interest in one another.

He is flying out today to have a vacation with his best friend and wife. He was really looking forward to it and I hope he has the most amazing time and gets a chance to relax and unwind. He is going to call form there so I will let you guys know how he is doing.
Until Next Time...

editors note...I know that my post are random at best and that yesterday I was complaining about a "jaded heart". But I really just blog about the things that are on my mind right then and there. Not Crazy...HONEST(LOL)

JADED???

Ok, I am not sure if there is just SO much "stuff" coming at our senses all of the time or if I am becoming "jaded".
My mom told me yesterday that my cousin admitted to being addicted to cocaine. Honestly, I was a little surprised. Not shocked, surprised. She has always been a little wild and lived a more dangerous lifestyle than the rest of our family. But when my mom asked me what I thought...I don't know...I didn't really feel anything.

My cousin and I have really gone our separate ways over the years and even though we live in the same city I haven't seen her in over 4 years. We used to be real close. I was actually the first person that she came "out" to. Naturally, at the time I had no idea how to handle the news. I think I even told her it was wrong. Of course, that is my "southern Baptist" upbringing...Now I just want to tell its all ok.

She and I have never talked about the whole "Gay" thing and I don't even think that she knew until we all evacuated for the hurricane last year. We never got to talk then because I was sick with a head cold and spent the whole time in bed sleeping. Go figure!

I just think that the world has really left me a little insensitive about many things. And, frankly it scares me. People in my immediate circle think that I have the biggest heart. I would agree with them. But if you are not in my "world" I don't really have a lot of compassion. Does all of this make me narcissistic? Shallow? Heartless? To be honest, I am not sure. I certainly hope not. I would hope that I am a "lover" not a "fighter"

Things do effect me. I feel things very deeply. I am just not sure why this whole thing about my cousin isn't really bothering me. I just don't know.

Until Next Time...

BY THE WAY...THIS IS ME

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Ok, I have a friend that is "straight"...of course we have been having sex since highschool. Go Figure! Anyway, he really pissed me off tonight and I just needed to get it out of my head so that I can get some sleep. Ive got a busy day tomorrow.

We will call him TOM. Tom just emailed me a link to a "sex" site where a profile of this guy friend of his is posted. Tom has been trying to get this guy to come out of the closet and confide in him. It makes me really angry because TOM needs to come out of the closet himself. We had been FB for a long time and that has ended recently (5 months ago) because I found out through a mutual friend that Tom was getting engaged. What a mess right?!?!? ANYWAY... Tom got upset that I told him whatever his friend does is HIS business not yours and that as a "straight" man, he shouldnt be going to gay sex sites.
BTW...Is any of this making sense?
Well, Tom told me that he was just concerned about his friend and he didnt want him to go down a distructive path. Well, this is when I flew off the handle. I called him a "closeted pervert that needed serious help. And that I was no longer going to listen to his fantasies about other men." I also told him that he needed to be more concerned with pleasing his soon to be wife!
Well, naturally he didnt react possitively. So be it. I know that some of you are thinking that I am being cold hearted and insinsitive. Far from it! I have been listening to him go on and on about this guy for a couple of years. Sometimes right after we have gotten "busy"...

Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Me and "Tom" probably are not going to be talking for a while. He will soon realize that I did it for him amd that he should probably be talking to his therapist about a whole lot more than just his girlfriend.
OK...GOOD NIGHT everyone.
AND, Until Next Time...

MADE IT!!!

Ok, I know that we have all gone out...Started having a great time...Drinking, drinking, and yet more drinking. Well, that was my night last night. I went out with my boss/friend and got a little to carried away. We had both just wanted to unwind, have a drink or two, good conversation...BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! None of this happened. Well, we did drink. But it was more like 6 or 7 cosmopolitan's. And we did have good conversation...It was just with all kinds of strange people and we were not at a "gay bar"...Ha-Ha!!!
I say all of this to give you an idea of the morning I had today. I should have know last night at around 1:30 when I was trying to watch Golden Girls and I would see 1 Dorothy on the TV screen, and then 2 Dorothy's that today was going to be rough. Live and learn right. Lets just say that today was the LONGEST day! And the thought of a Grey Goose makes me want to RALPH!!!
Its all good though. It is the weekend and this has been one long/strange week. I am really looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend and I hope that it doesn't rain cause I need to get some sun. CANCUN is getting closer! Can you say VACATION!!! I think you can!!!
Until Next Time...

NEWS FLASH!!!

In case anyone was wondering...Some men can be complete asses!!! I know that not all of them are, it just seems that I have had my fair share lately.
Its all good though.
I just wanted to get that OFF my chest before I went to bed.
Until Next Time...

FUNK...Over?

Ok, I know why I have been in a funk. It is all of the coverage about 9/11. Its such a sad part of our history that is always going to be current. Does that make sense? I mean, it is something that changed all of our lives in some way or another and we will never be the same. I don't think that is a bad thing. We should be more aware of our surroundings.
Its these times, however, that I don't reflect on the Terrorist...Its more about the families that where changed forever. I have lost a brother tragically and know how much it changes your life. I suppose that this time (9/11) just brings up all of those feelings about it. Sad really that neither I nor them asked for this to happen to them. And death is something that will change you forever. Especially if it is someone close to you.
So I guess that is why I have been in a funk lately. I can see the silver lining in the clouds and know that this is just a temporary thing.
Life is good and I have a great deal to be thankful for. I am going to put forth an effort to "connect" with my younger brother. We have always been really close. Here lately, however, He and I have drifted apart a bit. I think its time we become close again. When I came "out" I pushed him away out of fear of judgment. Not right on my part but I am looking forward to getting things back to the way they should be.
Until Next Time...

AAHHHH...MY LIFE!

Well, here it is Sunday afternoon...And I am bored. I have gone shopping already. Bought things I didn't need. So much for "Retail Therapy"!!! Yes, I am a shopaholic! It generally gets me out of a funk...Not so much today. I guess its the crappy weather that's going on here. Yesterday was rain, all day! That is never a good thing. Of course the fact that everyone of my "guy" friends are starting new relationships doesn't help either. I am NOT a bitter person, I want everyone to find their true love. But I got to tell you...If I hear one more story about how cute or what a great kisser or he does this thing with...BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I really am happy for them but come on! Enough already! I try to focus on the great life that I have. I am blessed. My health is good. I have a nice place to live. A car that I love to drive around in (of course it would be nice if the rain would stop so that I could put the top down!)
Anyway.
I hadn't "blogged" in a while and I just thought I would get everyone up to date on the things that are going on.
Life is good. Work is getting back to normal. The trip to Tennessee was a good relief to the "day to day" that a job can become. My parents are off on their 2 week vacation/cruise to Alaska. I am so happy for them. Its about time that they do something just for them and one that doesn't involve grandkids. I am soooo happy for them.
I guess I will end this now. I could go on for along time writing things that are not really relevant...But I will stop! I will blog again in a couple of days.
Take care everyone...Until Next Time!

Reason, Season, or Lifetime...

OK, So I read recently that friendships fall in one of the three categories. Reason, Season, or Lifetime. We have all had friendships that fall into each of these categories. When I read this it got me to thinking...Which can be scary.
ANYWAY...
I started to think about one of my dearest friendships. One that I have been apart of for nearly 15 years. We are both gay men and actually came out to one another 6 1/2 years ago. A lot has changed in our lives and we have always managed to remain friends through some very hard times. We both grew up in very religious households and struggled greatly with our own acceptance. I say all of this because here lately I feel like our friendship is coming to the end of its season. This saddens me very much because I thought this guy and I would be friends for a lifetime. It seems that the two of us have gone in different directions and its becoming more and more strange and odd when we are around each other. This is a friend that I have a great deal of history with and its just sad to see it go like this.
Yes, I have had friendships over the years that ended and it was a sad time...But none like this. Its just strange to grow into the person that you are meant to be and to have a someone not be able to deal. I will say though, that when He & I became friends a while back I was much more of a doormat, and generally built my life around trying to make his happy. Well, that has all since changed. I no longer drop everything that I am doing to do what He says. I don't rearrange my schedule to accommodate His and I no longer will put up with His BS and have little patients for his "I know what's best for you" attitude. I will give the guy a little credit...When he isn't being crazy and controlling the guy has an amazing heart and will give you the shirt off his back if you need it bad enough. Well, all that seems to be changing now.
I no longer live to please him and now the shoes seems to be on the other foot. He has a boyfriend and in the beginning he made the mistake (like so many others) of forgetting everyone else in His life. Well, now he keeps getting put out that I don't drop everything in my schedule to hang out and its starting to piss me off. He has started applying the "silent" treatment to get his way and its just not going to work. The whole thing makes me mad because I had always been there for him and now he is making it difficult to remain friends with this new attitude. IM not saying I am perfect, far from it; I just don't have the patience anymore. There is more to me now and I think its intimidating for him. I do not want to be the person that drops everything, and this is starting to piss him off.
I guess I say all of this to really just state how sad it is when a friendship is drawing to an end and there is really no solution or "banded" for the problem. Growth can be a tough time and the lesson learned, if you are paying attention, can be invaluable. Its just sad that this growth can cause a friendship (that you thought was for a lifetime) to come to and end and only be meant for a season.
I am not going to have some difficult talk with him and end things...We have talked many times about this...But I am unwilling to go back to the person that he sees me as and frankly I deserve more respect then that. I will continue to pray for him and I only want love, peace, happiness, and joy for him like I am sure he wants for me. Its just sad that when you finish a chapter in your "book" and realize one of the main characters will no longer be playing a major role. I guess this yet another stage of growth in life that I must embrace and try to look for the lesson so that all of this will not have been done in vain.
Until Next Time...

COUNT DOWN...

OK.
The countdown has begun...
This October my friends and I will be vacationing in CANCUN!!! Yes, the island of Cancun will never be the same. Not only that but we are going in style. We have booked our suites at the RITZ CARLETON and we have been put at the "Club Level". I am so very excited and I can not wait to go. Its at the end of October and we have all decided to treat it like a "Vegas" trip...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! Of course you guys can read all the details in the blog...Some names might be changed to protect the reputations of the people involved...LOL!!!
Have a great weekend everyone and
Until next time...

DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY...

I read quite a few blogs on the net. I don't respond to them, I just get an idea of people out there and their day to day lives. I call it training (as in choo-choo). It usually starts with one blog and I read the blogs of the people who respond and so on and so on. It keeps going and going. I guess I need to get a life...But the "people" aspect of it fascinates me. Does anyone know what I mean?
ANYWAY
I was reading one of my regular blogs and it had an announcement that a fellow blogger/friend had passed away. It made me a little sad. Well, the whole "training" thing took over and this gentleman had apparently made a big impact in a lot of people's hearts and minds. It was touching the way people spoke of him and I hoped he wasn't in any pain during his passing. MARC...Rest In Peace, and God be w/you!

It is funny how things bring up the strangest memories and thoughts of the past. The passing of this gentleman reminded me of my brother's passing. The tragedy that it was...
Well, I guess what IM trying to say is..."Why does it take the passing of a loved one to bring out the best of humanity?" Do you know what I mean? It just seems people realize that life is precious and that you need to tell the folks around you what they mean to you...I guess that is all I have to say tonight.
Until Next Time...

So Here's the Story...

Ok, If anyone has an opinion about the matter that I am about to discuss...Let me know (just be kind about it).

I am a single gay man. Tragic? NO...I like my life and where I am emotionally speaking. Would I like to have a boyfriend? Or even a date for that matter? YES! So, since the whole bar scene rally isn't my scene I have have put an Ad online. It was humiliating at first (IM not sure why) but I had the hardest time admitting that I couldn't get a date. All of that being said...Its not a big deal anymore. Well here is the problem. Well, not really a problem but more like a situation...

The guys that are on this site (not important which one) that are in my immediate area don't really excite me. On first impressions that is. Consequently, I have searched farther out. Like way out of my city to find someone. The problem is...I find them. Its not a bad thing but what could ever come of it. The guys that I have connected with have all been great. They just live FAR AWAY!!! Which brings me to the current situation at hand.
I have met someone. He is great. We talk for long periods of time about nearly anything. We haven't gone to the "sexy" side yet, but I feel it coming soon. He lives in Dallas which is nearly a 4 1/2 hour drive and that's one heck of a commute for a date. Is this something that I should be doing? Finding a guy that lives in my city would be ideal but it just hasn't happened. Well this guy in Dallas wants to come down and stay the weekend. I am torn in two about it. Do I let him come? Make him stay in a hotel? Or do I just throw the whole thing up in the air and see where everything lands?

I want to also say...I am NOT not looking here in Houston for someone. I am always eyes wide open looking. And the reason that I leave my "profile" on the site is so if I am out w/friends and someone recognizes me they know that I am not taken' and that I am available.

Am I overthinking this whole thing? Do I just need to throw caution into the wind and see what and where life takes me? Do I stop the conversations w/the new guy to prevent any heartache that a long distance thing would bring?

I just want some advice from you guys and to get another opinion on the matter that isn't my own. Thanks!

Until Next Time...

THINGS ABOUT ME...

I got this idea from several other blogs that I have read. It's a list of things about me. Who else?!? The first enstallment will be 1 thru 25. I hope you guys learn a little about me just like I have learned several things about you.
Enjoy!

* I am 6 feet tall
* I have blue eyes that I am told are my best feature (of course the ones who say this havent seen me naked...LOL)
* My other feature that people seem to comment on are my lips...they are full. Not Angelina lips, just full.
* Personally I think my Heart is my best attribute. Very sentimental & romantic
* I have a great set of parents that are still married and have been very good to me.
* I had two brothers, one older adn one younger. I am the middle child. And NO I dont fit the typical mold of the "middle child"
* I have grown up Hunting and Fishing. It isnt something that I currently do but I can certainly survive in the wild if I have too!
* Every BOY that was born into the extended family got a riffle engraved on the day He was born. Mine is a 257 Roberts. Name is in red.
* Even though I grew up in a hunting environment I have never shot another animal.
* I am NOT a "redneck" but I did grow up in a small town in Texas.
* I am an uncle and have 2 nephews & 2 neices (Jack, Brady, Candace, and Jayce)
* I went to a major university for Visual Design.
* Favorite subject was Pottery. Have sold several pieces. Look forward to getting back on the wheel.
* I have a strong stuburn streak that has gotten me into trouble in the past.
* I have some amazing friends that I cherish dearly.
* I came out of the closet fairly late. 1999 to be exact.
* Coming out cost me nearly every friend I had and it was a devistating year for me.
* These friends were from a church that I attended and they didnt feel they could ne supportive if this was the life I was going to choose.
* All though shaken, my faith in God is the most important thing to me.
* I love to read. I enjoy all styles of writing but mystery is my favorite genre.
* I hate...I mean HATE to cook.
* I have a great place to live that is decorated tastefully and it feels like HOME.
* I have way and I mean WAY to many clothes bu tmanage to wear the same ones over adn over.
* I have only dated 3 guys and none of them were long term. Short actually. I ended them. They seem to be interested in only one thing...
* I value sex and think too many men/women "jump" into the sac too soon.

OK...that was the first 25 and I will do the next 25 very soon.
Take care adn YES...It is my turn!

WELL...WILL IT?

Ok, let me start by saying today wasn't the best day at the "office". I have a great job that I find challenging and, for the most part, rewarding. Today was not a day that I felt like that. It drives me crazy that a person cant let his/her merit speak for itself and we are nearly forced to play the game of "office politics". I didn't start this blog entry thinking I was going to talk about work...But I wanted to let you see the frame of mind that I am in right now.

I came home today and picked up a book and flipped through the pages to get a little perspective on things. I guess to sorta escape the day and all that happened. Nothing major took place, just the same old crap. ANYWAY. The book I was looking at asked a simple question..."Will all of it matter a year from now?"

What a truly thought provoking question. Will all of it matter a year from now? Lets just say that it really got me to thinking about things in my life. I tend to make mountains out of mole hills. NO! IM not a drama queen. The opposite actually. I let things role off my back all the time. The question got me to thinking about the state of my life right now. Things that make me feel less than. I have a bad habit of measuring myself against other people and the things that they have and I don't. Examples like a House, new Car, a Relationship. You know the basics. I let these things and others like it rule my attitude and it often gets in the way of me coming full circle so to speak. (I know this is a bunch of rambling...Forgive me)

Well the question got me to thinking and I have come to a new understanding...I will no longer let the small things in life dictate ME. I wont worry about things of insignificance and take life as it is. Embracing things as they are and not beat myself up over the stuff that I cant change. Life should be enjoyed to its fullest and tearing yourself down is taking away from the experiences you could be having. The "world" beats us all up from time to time and I am going to make a conscious effort to not let me be a factor in that equation. Am I making any sense?
Well best of luck to everyone and I hope when "life" presents you with a question and you start going down a road that is mentally unhealthy...I hope you ask yourself, like I will, "Will all of it matter a year from now?"

Take care and until next time...

Rain Rain...GO AWAY!!!

Yes, my friends, I have picked the worst time to go on vacation. I decided at the last minute to move my vacation up one week. Why, you might ask. Well, Fall is hitting our store this week and windows change on the first...So next week I will be busier than the pope at confessionals during "pride week". That was a bit much wasn't it?!? Anyway. Next week I will be really busy so I moved my vacation to this week. Well, as you can imagine...It sucks! I so wanted to get some sun do some shopping. The whole nine yards. This isn't happening with all this rain we have been having. When it rains like this I have the need to make sure my sofa isn't too lonely. It has held me prisoner. I am going to break free tomorrow. Rest is good but I have lots I want to do. And laying on the sofa all day isn't making it happen. Does anyone have any words to get me motivated? I sure could use them. Take care you guys and I think tomorrow if the rain doesn't stop we need to get together and do an Indian dance to get the rain to go away! Have a great day!

VACATION!

Well, my vacation, MY VACATION! I had all these great plans for this week. I was going to get the house put together, do some shopping, lay by the pool to get some much needed sun. None of this has happened. I realize that its only Tuesday, but IM a planner, to a fault. I had this idea of waking up early (9 am) and getting some work around the house done...Eating lunch...Laying by the pool. Just a bit of R&R. Those plans have gone by the wayside. It is raining cats and dogs and will be for the next two days. I don't do well with rain. It makes me incredibly lazy and all I do is watch TV. I know vacations are supposed to be about relaxing so I guess watching TV all day long isn't the worst thing...But it makes me feel like a slug. So today I scheduled a massage. Mainly to get out of the house. Boy was it a pleasant surprise. I normally goto a spa for this and do the whole "spa experience". This time however I went to a guy here in town for it. NO! It wasn't that kind of place. No sex was had not even a "rise in my Levis" so to speak. All though it would have been nice...He was really cute! It was wonderful though. I have always gone to women for this and it was nice to have a mans touch. I guess we understand or bodies better. He really concentrated on my target areas and gave the whole body attention. It was great. Of course afterwards I was really feeling relaxed and even more lazy. That's ok though. I have tomorrow to do things around here. It is going to rain all day and I just hope that The couch doesn't suck me in again! So, Until next time...

Just Another Day...

Well, today was a Hot day here in Houston. The heat index was a sticky 103 degrees. IM sorry...But that's too damn hot! I look forward to the crisp morning air that comes with the fall season. It will be a nice change from this heat. Well, enough about that.

I went to my nephew, Brady's, birthday tonight. It was a good time. He had a "cars" theme and was excited to get the rugby and watch I had bought him from the Disney store. The whole party was cute actually. My family was there and some close friends. Good time.
I did get a pleasant surprise however. My cousin brought a friend with him that was really attractive. Nice eyes. Great smile. The works. There was a lot about him that normally I wouldn't find attractive, but for some reason He was "all that and a bag of chips" I could just be horny...Not completely sure which! We made lots of eye contact and smiled at each other often. Of course with the whole family there and it being a kids party, nothing came of our meeting but at least it was a nice flirtation.
So, all in all, a good day. If this heat would go away I could work on my tan. Even by the pool its too damn hot!!! So, until next time...

MY JOB

Well let me tell you guys something first. I love my job. I feel almost like it's something I was made to do. Yes, I have many talents but doing what I do is very relaxing for me. The fast pace. Changing things. Creating. Watching numbers and sales. Its fun for me. But for the last week...I have been bored to tears. We are in the middle of a season change. Its like the calm before the storm right now. I cant take it. Today, I watched, literally watched, the clock turn from 3:25 to 3:32. Now, IM not sure about the rest of you guys, but I am used to going a million miles an hour and to sit there...Well, it will cause you to drink. I actually contemplated resetting a wall full of old stuff to just have something to do...Can you relate AJ? Well I got word today that Fall will hit tomorrow and I am very excited. What a great time for a heatwave. I now have the challenge of making merino sweaters and turtleneck look like something John Q. Public needs and/ wants. How fun. It will be interesting to see if I can get all of this done in a day. Because yours truly is taking a week off from work and I cant tell you how happy I am about that! To get away. Lay by the pool. Drinking cape cods. I am very excited. Now when I watch the clock it will be to let me know when to turn over. Have a great rest of your week everyone and take care. I got some work to do!!! Until next time...

It's Time To Blow Out The Candles!

OK...Its almost the end of July. That's the time this "spring chicken" becomes a rooster. Cocka-doodle-doo!!! Yes, its time for my birthday. July 30th. I have to tell you, IM kinda lookin forward to it. Well, as much as I can. I have been in a bit of a funk lately and I see the silver lining. Yippee! I am not sure what happened, all I know is things are looking brighter. Sleep could have a factor. I finally got some. Not to mention I haven't really had any "me" time and that's always important, for me at least. To do some devotion and meditation; makes me a balanced person. I was doing some reflecting last night...Scary I know...But I actually have it pretty good. Yes, IM not where I thought I would be at this age. SO WHAT!!! I have a great deal to be thankful for. I have a job I enjoy. I have my health. Great friends. Place to live. Odds and ends that are necessary for day to day stuff. So, Its all good! Life is good. My biggest problem is that I am way to hard on myself. Critical is a better choice of words. I should remind myself more often that I do not have to have it all figured out! Getting the answers to life's questions is what living life is all about. So for now on its a day at a time. I will not get upset that IM turning another year older. I will embrace all the aspects of life, even the ones IM not real happy with. I will be grateful for all things...Even being single (no laughter please). Its a new year! Yes...Its my turn!

IS IT MORNING?

OK...Let me start this blog by saying, I have a buzz (I just left the country/western bar). I am in a fowl mood tonight. I had gone to the C/W bar to meet up with some "bar" friends. These are the guys that make me laugh and always have great stories to tell. I call them bar friends because I never see them or talk to them except at the bar. Great guys, and have always been very accepting of me. They were unfortunately not there tonight. One of the guy's daughter got married and they had all gone. So, I was sorta disappointed when I got there and no guys to hang with. Yes, I could have gone somewhere else but wasn't really feeling like it. That should have been my first clue...To just go home.
Gay men, well probably all men, can be complete jerks! FYI...If I look at you and your boy friend, that doesn't mean I want to take him from you, or sleep with you both. I am so sick and tired of guys playing games that I cant stand it. I was at the bar and this guy grabs his BF's hand and turns his nose up to me as he passes by. Looking me up and down and then...then came the eye roll. Like, to say, as if!!! I know that IM PMS-ing right now. Yes...Men have PMS...just not with all the gross side affects! I think the weeks events and all that have made me tired and I should have just stayed home. Is there "normal" out there...And if so, what's their name.
I know none of this is making sense right now. I will probably delete the whole thing come morning. I am just very frustrated and needed to get some things off my chest. All of the attitude...Is it necessary? I know we can all be "bitches" but come on. We have all gone through a great deal in our lives. Where is the solidarity. The...I don't know...Familiarity. The thought of "Hey, we have been through it and lets support each other" mentality. I am going to shut up now. Go to bed. Wake up in the morning and probably erase all of this. But just in case someone reads this...IM pissed and IM tired of the attitudes. Get a life and stop being so shallow!!!
Ok...IM done. Sleep well everyone.

i carry your heart with me


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

This poem was in a movie I watched tonight. Didnt really love the movie...it was good but really not the point. The part that got me was this poem by E.E. Cummings. I am in a weird place today. Emotionally speaking. I am not sure if its loneliness, longing, heartbreak, or...frankly...horniness (is that a word)...but I want to feel this about another man. I want to have that loving feeling again. I want that passion that I carry in my heart. One that knows no limit. Has no boundaries. Rewrites the books on love. I realize that this feeling that I am having is beyond words, but Cummings poem says it for me. I have to know this feeling before life is over. I thought I had it, but I did not. I am speaking of a love from a ways back. There was a man I gave my heart to, but it was not my time yet. He didnt feel the love I did and my heart has not been the same. My love for him has passed, do not get confused, I just want a love that tells a story. One that rewrites the books. A love that knows no boundaries. One that has no limits. A love... i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
YES...it is my turn!

Wild is the Wind
Hey everyone...I am sitting here...Updating the iPod. Listening to Nina Simone. I just love her. Old music. If you haven't heard her...She tells a "mean" story with her music. I don't know a lot about her as a person, but she is great to listen to on occasion.I am listening to her song "Wild is the Wind". She is telling of her love for this man...I swear she just tells it like it is. Its actually interesting that I wanted to listen to this CD today...I've got news...Yes, I have a date! Tuesday night. His name is Ryan. We have been talking pretty much non-stop all weekend. He is a tall drink of water (6'5") and I am excited to meet him. In person that is. I will, of course, fill you all in later. But as for now...Keep those fingers crossed. I will just say this about him...He is different than anyone I have ever met. Generally, I am a very good judge of character. I can sum up someone really fast. It is often why I am called a snob. If I don't like you, it usually shows on my face RIGHT away. Its a blessing and a curse. And NO I am not full of myself...ANYWAY!!!I just wanted to say hello to everyone. I am pretty tired so I am going to get to bed early tonight. Its 9:30 now and I can barely keep my eyes open. Take care everyone and lets all get together soon! Bye for now

CHANGE...Does it have to happen?
I have a dear friend that I have had the privilege to get to know. He told me recently that he is leaving the company that we work for and it has left me feeling oddly blue. Not really depressed. I cant describe it...Just blue. He is an amazing man with many talents. We have often traveled for work together and I love his many stories. I say all of this because it has made me think of changes in life. Are they fair? I know we are supposed to want to grow in life, but I like somethings to stay constant. Of course this can not be. I will miss you AJ and I hope You & Rob are happy there in Nashville.

This turn of events along with others have made me look inwards to see things in my life that have changed over the years...Especially in the most recent. I have come out of the closet, started a new job, moved to a new place, made some amazing friends, have traveled the country, ended relationships that were toxic...And so on. But why in the midst of all these changes, have I felt anxious and depressed. I would be the first to admit that I enjoy things "as they are" not really wanting to rock the boat. I would like to think that I have a good head on my shoulders but when changes happen I get in this reflective mood that's hard to get out of. I know when this happens, I look at myself, and see what's out of balance and try to make adjustments. The truth is, that with out change life would be incredibly boring. Granted, some consistency is necessary for some level of sanity. Of course that is if your sane to begin with (some of you out there might have a couple of opinions on that fact and you can keep them to yourself) LOL.

I say all of this to let myself know that change isn't always bad and good can come from it. Growth happens during the strangest times in life...Looking back can let you see where you have come from and where you are going. Change...Is it fair? Not always. But it does make as grow. And of course..."That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." Until next time...

AAHHHHHH...The Adventure!

Well, I thought I was a little "heavy" on my last entry so I thought I would talk about my recent road trip. Yes, I threw caution into the wind and went on a road trip. Me and a great group of friends decided to go to Mexico. Well, not only Mexico but to Austin as well. It was such an amazing trip. We did spend some time in the car, obviously, but that was were a lot of laughs happened. Driving 75-80 mph on the highway telling stories about each other and generally being big goofs. Of course, we did have a "traveling" beverage that helped the highway seem...Not so boring. We spent a lot of time laughing and cutting up; just being friends.
We had a rude awaking when we got to Mexico though. Everything was closed. I had gone to buy cheap liquor only to be disappointed...Nothing was open. I mean nothing. The elections were taking place and by law they had to close things down. I wasn't too upset because of the great time we were having but disappointed none the less. We did get some things though...That will be for another post!!!
Austin was our next stop. My friend was there to house sit for her brother and we all came along. The four of us laid around, swam in the pool, drank some cocktails, and talked. It was a great bonding time for us. We shared things about one another, made each other laugh, tears flowed and sympathy was shared and felt. It was truly amazing. I had an experience that I truly needed. Kindship. Bonding. The feeling of love. Great friends are hard to come by and I am richly blessed. It has been truly rewarding. I have a great deal of friends, don't get me wrong, but ones that you really click with can be hard sometimes. Anyway, IM glad to be home. Grateful for the experience. And will treasure the memories!!! Until next time...

I wanted to tell you guys something...
I have always thought of myself as pretty independent. I live alone and I rely on no one to validate me as a person. I am single, and frankly, have been since coming out (7yrs next month). I come and go as I please. If I want something, I buy it...and so on. Of course this is a blessing and a curse.
When I came out, it was a very reflective time in my life. I had grown up in a very conservative christian home and all of my friends at the time were the same way. Of course those two worlds do not mix very well. I, like so many others, had to really examine things and keep what I thought was important. Unfortunately, my friends thought diffrently at the time and felt the need to end our friendships, some as long as 10 yrs. I dont say all of that to get pitty. Thats not my thing. I say it because during a very challenging part of my life I was alone. Well sorta. I had my faith, all be it rocky at the time, it did get me through some tough stuff. I have forgiven all of the people from my past and only look forward to the future. It was not an easy thing to let go of but you just have to sometimes.
You may be wondering..."what is he trying to say here..." Well, its my birthday in a month and I actually feel like Im in a great place. Mentally. I have come full circle with myself and my emotions and I am ready to embrace all that life has to offer me. I have spent the early part of my thirties trying to figure out what I had done wrong along the way. No more. That question has been answered. I have done nothing wrong except be true to who I was and am. If you dont know me...this is a huge thing. I am ready. I want it all. I want to give my heart away again and have it be loved in return. I want to keep true to me but grow with someone and learn about him... and more about myself for that matter. This is exciting. I have found true peace in my soul and feel much more complete now.
This bit of reflection was brought on last night when I was reading a guys blog. His name is John, I have no idea who he is or where he even lives. But while reading I saw myself in him 5 yrs ago. It was as if I wrote all this stuff down and put it in a time capsule. Strange, huh! Well, I decided to email him and let him know that I was thinking about him and tried to convey the message I would liked to have been told back then..."Peace, be still. Know that all is well. You are truly loved. It's just a low tide that you are in...High tide is coming!" Well... I got an email from him today. Telling me what a blessing I had been to him and how the things I had told him were things He really needed to hear. What a great thing. I was trying to help him...during which...inadvertantly, I helped myself. His email really made me appreciate all that my life has been and all that it will continue to be. Life is ready and waiting. And I am waking up from a very long nap, and YES...it is my turn! Until next time.

Hello evryone. I want to first of all say that I am excited about this new venture. This is something that I have always wanted to do but never took the time. That's part of the title. Of course the main reason for all of this is to get my thoughts out there and just to see what comes from it. I wanted a way to communicate the frustrations that I face from time to time. The highlights of my day. Maybe even some wisdom that I have stumbled across. Who knows...But the just of it will be just my life and how it is my turn to start living it fully. Until next time...