Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Rain Rain...GO AWAY!!!

Yes, my friends, I have picked the worst time to go on vacation. I decided at the last minute to move my vacation up one week. Why, you might ask. Well, Fall is hitting our store this week and windows change on the first...So next week I will be busier than the pope at confessionals during "pride week". That was a bit much wasn't it?!? Anyway. Next week I will be really busy so I moved my vacation to this week. Well, as you can imagine...It sucks! I so wanted to get some sun do some shopping. The whole nine yards. This isn't happening with all this rain we have been having. When it rains like this I have the need to make sure my sofa isn't too lonely. It has held me prisoner. I am going to break free tomorrow. Rest is good but I have lots I want to do. And laying on the sofa all day isn't making it happen. Does anyone have any words to get me motivated? I sure could use them. Take care you guys and I think tomorrow if the rain doesn't stop we need to get together and do an Indian dance to get the rain to go away! Have a great day!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

VACATION!

Well, my vacation, MY VACATION! I had all these great plans for this week. I was going to get the house put together, do some shopping, lay by the pool to get some much needed sun. None of this has happened. I realize that its only Tuesday, but IM a planner, to a fault. I had this idea of waking up early (9 am) and getting some work around the house done...Eating lunch...Laying by the pool. Just a bit of R&R. Those plans have gone by the wayside. It is raining cats and dogs and will be for the next two days. I don't do well with rain. It makes me incredibly lazy and all I do is watch TV. I know vacations are supposed to be about relaxing so I guess watching TV all day long isn't the worst thing...But it makes me feel like a slug. So today I scheduled a massage. Mainly to get out of the house. Boy was it a pleasant surprise. I normally goto a spa for this and do the whole "spa experience". This time however I went to a guy here in town for it. NO! It wasn't that kind of place. No sex was had not even a "rise in my Levis" so to speak. All though it would have been nice...He was really cute! It was wonderful though. I have always gone to women for this and it was nice to have a mans touch. I guess we understand or bodies better. He really concentrated on my target areas and gave the whole body attention. It was great. Of course afterwards I was really feeling relaxed and even more lazy. That's ok though. I have tomorrow to do things around here. It is going to rain all day and I just hope that The couch doesn't suck me in again! So, Until next time...

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Just Another Day...

Well, today was a Hot day here in Houston. The heat index was a sticky 103 degrees. IM sorry...But that's too damn hot! I look forward to the crisp morning air that comes with the fall season. It will be a nice change from this heat. Well, enough about that.

I went to my nephew, Brady's, birthday tonight. It was a good time. He had a "cars" theme and was excited to get the rugby and watch I had bought him from the Disney store. The whole party was cute actually. My family was there and some close friends. Good time.
I did get a pleasant surprise however. My cousin brought a friend with him that was really attractive. Nice eyes. Great smile. The works. There was a lot about him that normally I wouldn't find attractive, but for some reason He was "all that and a bag of chips" I could just be horny...Not completely sure which! We made lots of eye contact and smiled at each other often. Of course with the whole family there and it being a kids party, nothing came of our meeting but at least it was a nice flirtation.
So, all in all, a good day. If this heat would go away I could work on my tan. Even by the pool its too damn hot!!! So, until next time...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

MY JOB

Well let me tell you guys something first. I love my job. I feel almost like it's something I was made to do. Yes, I have many talents but doing what I do is very relaxing for me. The fast pace. Changing things. Creating. Watching numbers and sales. Its fun for me. But for the last week...I have been bored to tears. We are in the middle of a season change. Its like the calm before the storm right now. I cant take it. Today, I watched, literally watched, the clock turn from 3:25 to 3:32. Now, IM not sure about the rest of you guys, but I am used to going a million miles an hour and to sit there...Well, it will cause you to drink. I actually contemplated resetting a wall full of old stuff to just have something to do...Can you relate AJ? Well I got word today that Fall will hit tomorrow and I am very excited. What a great time for a heatwave. I now have the challenge of making merino sweaters and turtleneck look like something John Q. Public needs and/ wants. How fun. It will be interesting to see if I can get all of this done in a day. Because yours truly is taking a week off from work and I cant tell you how happy I am about that! To get away. Lay by the pool. Drinking cape cods. I am very excited. Now when I watch the clock it will be to let me know when to turn over. Have a great rest of your week everyone and take care. I got some work to do!!! Until next time...

Monday, July 17, 2006

It's Time To Blow Out The Candles!

OK...Its almost the end of July. That's the time this "spring chicken" becomes a rooster. Cocka-doodle-doo!!! Yes, its time for my birthday. July 30th. I have to tell you, IM kinda lookin forward to it. Well, as much as I can. I have been in a bit of a funk lately and I see the silver lining. Yippee! I am not sure what happened, all I know is things are looking brighter. Sleep could have a factor. I finally got some. Not to mention I haven't really had any "me" time and that's always important, for me at least. To do some devotion and meditation; makes me a balanced person. I was doing some reflecting last night...Scary I know...But I actually have it pretty good. Yes, IM not where I thought I would be at this age. SO WHAT!!! I have a great deal to be thankful for. I have a job I enjoy. I have my health. Great friends. Place to live. Odds and ends that are necessary for day to day stuff. So, Its all good! Life is good. My biggest problem is that I am way to hard on myself. Critical is a better choice of words. I should remind myself more often that I do not have to have it all figured out! Getting the answers to life's questions is what living life is all about. So for now on its a day at a time. I will not get upset that IM turning another year older. I will embrace all the aspects of life, even the ones IM not real happy with. I will be grateful for all things...Even being single (no laughter please). Its a new year! Yes...Its my turn!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

IS IT MORNING?

OK...Let me start this blog by saying, I have a buzz (I just left the country/western bar). I am in a fowl mood tonight. I had gone to the C/W bar to meet up with some "bar" friends. These are the guys that make me laugh and always have great stories to tell. I call them bar friends because I never see them or talk to them except at the bar. Great guys, and have always been very accepting of me. They were unfortunately not there tonight. One of the guy's daughter got married and they had all gone. So, I was sorta disappointed when I got there and no guys to hang with. Yes, I could have gone somewhere else but wasn't really feeling like it. That should have been my first clue...To just go home.
Gay men, well probably all men, can be complete jerks! FYI...If I look at you and your boy friend, that doesn't mean I want to take him from you, or sleep with you both. I am so sick and tired of guys playing games that I cant stand it. I was at the bar and this guy grabs his BF's hand and turns his nose up to me as he passes by. Looking me up and down and then...then came the eye roll. Like, to say, as if!!! I know that IM PMS-ing right now. Yes...Men have PMS...just not with all the gross side affects! I think the weeks events and all that have made me tired and I should have just stayed home. Is there "normal" out there...And if so, what's their name.
I know none of this is making sense right now. I will probably delete the whole thing come morning. I am just very frustrated and needed to get some things off my chest. All of the attitude...Is it necessary? I know we can all be "bitches" but come on. We have all gone through a great deal in our lives. Where is the solidarity. The...I don't know...Familiarity. The thought of "Hey, we have been through it and lets support each other" mentality. I am going to shut up now. Go to bed. Wake up in the morning and probably erase all of this. But just in case someone reads this...IM pissed and IM tired of the attitudes. Get a life and stop being so shallow!!!
Ok...IM done. Sleep well everyone.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

i carry your heart with me


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

This poem was in a movie I watched tonight. Didnt really love the movie...it was good but really not the point. The part that got me was this poem by E.E. Cummings. I am in a weird place today. Emotionally speaking. I am not sure if its loneliness, longing, heartbreak, or...frankly...horniness (is that a word)...but I want to feel this about another man. I want to have that loving feeling again. I want that passion that I carry in my heart. One that knows no limit. Has no boundaries. Rewrites the books on love. I realize that this feeling that I am having is beyond words, but Cummings poem says it for me. I have to know this feeling before life is over. I thought I had it, but I did not. I am speaking of a love from a ways back. There was a man I gave my heart to, but it was not my time yet. He didnt feel the love I did and my heart has not been the same. My love for him has passed, do not get confused, I just want a love that tells a story. One that rewrites the books. A love that knows no boundaries. One that has no limits. A love... i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
YES...it is my turn!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Wild is the Wind
Hey everyone...I am sitting here...Updating the iPod. Listening to Nina Simone. I just love her. Old music. If you haven't heard her...She tells a "mean" story with her music. I don't know a lot about her as a person, but she is great to listen to on occasion.I am listening to her song "Wild is the Wind". She is telling of her love for this man...I swear she just tells it like it is. Its actually interesting that I wanted to listen to this CD today...I've got news...Yes, I have a date! Tuesday night. His name is Ryan. We have been talking pretty much non-stop all weekend. He is a tall drink of water (6'5") and I am excited to meet him. In person that is. I will, of course, fill you all in later. But as for now...Keep those fingers crossed. I will just say this about him...He is different than anyone I have ever met. Generally, I am a very good judge of character. I can sum up someone really fast. It is often why I am called a snob. If I don't like you, it usually shows on my face RIGHT away. Its a blessing and a curse. And NO I am not full of myself...ANYWAY!!!I just wanted to say hello to everyone. I am pretty tired so I am going to get to bed early tonight. Its 9:30 now and I can barely keep my eyes open. Take care everyone and lets all get together soon! Bye for now

Thursday, July 06, 2006

CHANGE...Does it have to happen?
I have a dear friend that I have had the privilege to get to know. He told me recently that he is leaving the company that we work for and it has left me feeling oddly blue. Not really depressed. I cant describe it...Just blue. He is an amazing man with many talents. We have often traveled for work together and I love his many stories. I say all of this because it has made me think of changes in life. Are they fair? I know we are supposed to want to grow in life, but I like somethings to stay constant. Of course this can not be. I will miss you AJ and I hope You & Rob are happy there in Nashville.

This turn of events along with others have made me look inwards to see things in my life that have changed over the years...Especially in the most recent. I have come out of the closet, started a new job, moved to a new place, made some amazing friends, have traveled the country, ended relationships that were toxic...And so on. But why in the midst of all these changes, have I felt anxious and depressed. I would be the first to admit that I enjoy things "as they are" not really wanting to rock the boat. I would like to think that I have a good head on my shoulders but when changes happen I get in this reflective mood that's hard to get out of. I know when this happens, I look at myself, and see what's out of balance and try to make adjustments. The truth is, that with out change life would be incredibly boring. Granted, some consistency is necessary for some level of sanity. Of course that is if your sane to begin with (some of you out there might have a couple of opinions on that fact and you can keep them to yourself) LOL.

I say all of this to let myself know that change isn't always bad and good can come from it. Growth happens during the strangest times in life...Looking back can let you see where you have come from and where you are going. Change...Is it fair? Not always. But it does make as grow. And of course..."That which does not kill us, makes us stronger." Until next time...

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

AAHHHHHH...The Adventure!

Well, I thought I was a little "heavy" on my last entry so I thought I would talk about my recent road trip. Yes, I threw caution into the wind and went on a road trip. Me and a great group of friends decided to go to Mexico. Well, not only Mexico but to Austin as well. It was such an amazing trip. We did spend some time in the car, obviously, but that was were a lot of laughs happened. Driving 75-80 mph on the highway telling stories about each other and generally being big goofs. Of course, we did have a "traveling" beverage that helped the highway seem...Not so boring. We spent a lot of time laughing and cutting up; just being friends.
We had a rude awaking when we got to Mexico though. Everything was closed. I had gone to buy cheap liquor only to be disappointed...Nothing was open. I mean nothing. The elections were taking place and by law they had to close things down. I wasn't too upset because of the great time we were having but disappointed none the less. We did get some things though...That will be for another post!!!
Austin was our next stop. My friend was there to house sit for her brother and we all came along. The four of us laid around, swam in the pool, drank some cocktails, and talked. It was a great bonding time for us. We shared things about one another, made each other laugh, tears flowed and sympathy was shared and felt. It was truly amazing. I had an experience that I truly needed. Kindship. Bonding. The feeling of love. Great friends are hard to come by and I am richly blessed. It has been truly rewarding. I have a great deal of friends, don't get me wrong, but ones that you really click with can be hard sometimes. Anyway, IM glad to be home. Grateful for the experience. And will treasure the memories!!! Until next time...