Reason, Season, or Lifetime...

OK, So I read recently that friendships fall in one of the three categories. Reason, Season, or Lifetime. We have all had friendships that fall into each of these categories. When I read this it got me to thinking...Which can be scary.
ANYWAY...
I started to think about one of my dearest friendships. One that I have been apart of for nearly 15 years. We are both gay men and actually came out to one another 6 1/2 years ago. A lot has changed in our lives and we have always managed to remain friends through some very hard times. We both grew up in very religious households and struggled greatly with our own acceptance. I say all of this because here lately I feel like our friendship is coming to the end of its season. This saddens me very much because I thought this guy and I would be friends for a lifetime. It seems that the two of us have gone in different directions and its becoming more and more strange and odd when we are around each other. This is a friend that I have a great deal of history with and its just sad to see it go like this.
Yes, I have had friendships over the years that ended and it was a sad time...But none like this. Its just strange to grow into the person that you are meant to be and to have a someone not be able to deal. I will say though, that when He & I became friends a while back I was much more of a doormat, and generally built my life around trying to make his happy. Well, that has all since changed. I no longer drop everything that I am doing to do what He says. I don't rearrange my schedule to accommodate His and I no longer will put up with His BS and have little patients for his "I know what's best for you" attitude. I will give the guy a little credit...When he isn't being crazy and controlling the guy has an amazing heart and will give you the shirt off his back if you need it bad enough. Well, all that seems to be changing now.
I no longer live to please him and now the shoes seems to be on the other foot. He has a boyfriend and in the beginning he made the mistake (like so many others) of forgetting everyone else in His life. Well, now he keeps getting put out that I don't drop everything in my schedule to hang out and its starting to piss me off. He has started applying the "silent" treatment to get his way and its just not going to work. The whole thing makes me mad because I had always been there for him and now he is making it difficult to remain friends with this new attitude. IM not saying I am perfect, far from it; I just don't have the patience anymore. There is more to me now and I think its intimidating for him. I do not want to be the person that drops everything, and this is starting to piss him off.
I guess I say all of this to really just state how sad it is when a friendship is drawing to an end and there is really no solution or "banded" for the problem. Growth can be a tough time and the lesson learned, if you are paying attention, can be invaluable. Its just sad that this growth can cause a friendship (that you thought was for a lifetime) to come to and end and only be meant for a season.
I am not going to have some difficult talk with him and end things...We have talked many times about this...But I am unwilling to go back to the person that he sees me as and frankly I deserve more respect then that. I will continue to pray for him and I only want love, peace, happiness, and joy for him like I am sure he wants for me. Its just sad that when you finish a chapter in your "book" and realize one of the main characters will no longer be playing a major role. I guess this yet another stage of growth in life that I must embrace and try to look for the lesson so that all of this will not have been done in vain.
Until Next Time...

COUNT DOWN...

OK.
The countdown has begun...
This October my friends and I will be vacationing in CANCUN!!! Yes, the island of Cancun will never be the same. Not only that but we are going in style. We have booked our suites at the RITZ CARLETON and we have been put at the "Club Level". I am so very excited and I can not wait to go. Its at the end of October and we have all decided to treat it like a "Vegas" trip...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! Of course you guys can read all the details in the blog...Some names might be changed to protect the reputations of the people involved...LOL!!!
Have a great weekend everyone and
Until next time...

DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY...

I read quite a few blogs on the net. I don't respond to them, I just get an idea of people out there and their day to day lives. I call it training (as in choo-choo). It usually starts with one blog and I read the blogs of the people who respond and so on and so on. It keeps going and going. I guess I need to get a life...But the "people" aspect of it fascinates me. Does anyone know what I mean?
ANYWAY
I was reading one of my regular blogs and it had an announcement that a fellow blogger/friend had passed away. It made me a little sad. Well, the whole "training" thing took over and this gentleman had apparently made a big impact in a lot of people's hearts and minds. It was touching the way people spoke of him and I hoped he wasn't in any pain during his passing. MARC...Rest In Peace, and God be w/you!

It is funny how things bring up the strangest memories and thoughts of the past. The passing of this gentleman reminded me of my brother's passing. The tragedy that it was...
Well, I guess what IM trying to say is..."Why does it take the passing of a loved one to bring out the best of humanity?" Do you know what I mean? It just seems people realize that life is precious and that you need to tell the folks around you what they mean to you...I guess that is all I have to say tonight.
Until Next Time...

So Here's the Story...

Ok, If anyone has an opinion about the matter that I am about to discuss...Let me know (just be kind about it).

I am a single gay man. Tragic? NO...I like my life and where I am emotionally speaking. Would I like to have a boyfriend? Or even a date for that matter? YES! So, since the whole bar scene rally isn't my scene I have have put an Ad online. It was humiliating at first (IM not sure why) but I had the hardest time admitting that I couldn't get a date. All of that being said...Its not a big deal anymore. Well here is the problem. Well, not really a problem but more like a situation...

The guys that are on this site (not important which one) that are in my immediate area don't really excite me. On first impressions that is. Consequently, I have searched farther out. Like way out of my city to find someone. The problem is...I find them. Its not a bad thing but what could ever come of it. The guys that I have connected with have all been great. They just live FAR AWAY!!! Which brings me to the current situation at hand.
I have met someone. He is great. We talk for long periods of time about nearly anything. We haven't gone to the "sexy" side yet, but I feel it coming soon. He lives in Dallas which is nearly a 4 1/2 hour drive and that's one heck of a commute for a date. Is this something that I should be doing? Finding a guy that lives in my city would be ideal but it just hasn't happened. Well this guy in Dallas wants to come down and stay the weekend. I am torn in two about it. Do I let him come? Make him stay in a hotel? Or do I just throw the whole thing up in the air and see where everything lands?

I want to also say...I am NOT not looking here in Houston for someone. I am always eyes wide open looking. And the reason that I leave my "profile" on the site is so if I am out w/friends and someone recognizes me they know that I am not taken' and that I am available.

Am I overthinking this whole thing? Do I just need to throw caution into the wind and see what and where life takes me? Do I stop the conversations w/the new guy to prevent any heartache that a long distance thing would bring?

I just want some advice from you guys and to get another opinion on the matter that isn't my own. Thanks!

Until Next Time...

THINGS ABOUT ME...

I got this idea from several other blogs that I have read. It's a list of things about me. Who else?!? The first enstallment will be 1 thru 25. I hope you guys learn a little about me just like I have learned several things about you.
Enjoy!

* I am 6 feet tall
* I have blue eyes that I am told are my best feature (of course the ones who say this havent seen me naked...LOL)
* My other feature that people seem to comment on are my lips...they are full. Not Angelina lips, just full.
* Personally I think my Heart is my best attribute. Very sentimental & romantic
* I have a great set of parents that are still married and have been very good to me.
* I had two brothers, one older adn one younger. I am the middle child. And NO I dont fit the typical mold of the "middle child"
* I have grown up Hunting and Fishing. It isnt something that I currently do but I can certainly survive in the wild if I have too!
* Every BOY that was born into the extended family got a riffle engraved on the day He was born. Mine is a 257 Roberts. Name is in red.
* Even though I grew up in a hunting environment I have never shot another animal.
* I am NOT a "redneck" but I did grow up in a small town in Texas.
* I am an uncle and have 2 nephews & 2 neices (Jack, Brady, Candace, and Jayce)
* I went to a major university for Visual Design.
* Favorite subject was Pottery. Have sold several pieces. Look forward to getting back on the wheel.
* I have a strong stuburn streak that has gotten me into trouble in the past.
* I have some amazing friends that I cherish dearly.
* I came out of the closet fairly late. 1999 to be exact.
* Coming out cost me nearly every friend I had and it was a devistating year for me.
* These friends were from a church that I attended and they didnt feel they could ne supportive if this was the life I was going to choose.
* All though shaken, my faith in God is the most important thing to me.
* I love to read. I enjoy all styles of writing but mystery is my favorite genre.
* I hate...I mean HATE to cook.
* I have a great place to live that is decorated tastefully and it feels like HOME.
* I have way and I mean WAY to many clothes bu tmanage to wear the same ones over adn over.
* I have only dated 3 guys and none of them were long term. Short actually. I ended them. They seem to be interested in only one thing...
* I value sex and think too many men/women "jump" into the sac too soon.

OK...that was the first 25 and I will do the next 25 very soon.
Take care adn YES...It is my turn!

WELL...WILL IT?

Ok, let me start by saying today wasn't the best day at the "office". I have a great job that I find challenging and, for the most part, rewarding. Today was not a day that I felt like that. It drives me crazy that a person cant let his/her merit speak for itself and we are nearly forced to play the game of "office politics". I didn't start this blog entry thinking I was going to talk about work...But I wanted to let you see the frame of mind that I am in right now.

I came home today and picked up a book and flipped through the pages to get a little perspective on things. I guess to sorta escape the day and all that happened. Nothing major took place, just the same old crap. ANYWAY. The book I was looking at asked a simple question..."Will all of it matter a year from now?"

What a truly thought provoking question. Will all of it matter a year from now? Lets just say that it really got me to thinking about things in my life. I tend to make mountains out of mole hills. NO! IM not a drama queen. The opposite actually. I let things role off my back all the time. The question got me to thinking about the state of my life right now. Things that make me feel less than. I have a bad habit of measuring myself against other people and the things that they have and I don't. Examples like a House, new Car, a Relationship. You know the basics. I let these things and others like it rule my attitude and it often gets in the way of me coming full circle so to speak. (I know this is a bunch of rambling...Forgive me)

Well the question got me to thinking and I have come to a new understanding...I will no longer let the small things in life dictate ME. I wont worry about things of insignificance and take life as it is. Embracing things as they are and not beat myself up over the stuff that I cant change. Life should be enjoyed to its fullest and tearing yourself down is taking away from the experiences you could be having. The "world" beats us all up from time to time and I am going to make a conscious effort to not let me be a factor in that equation. Am I making any sense?
Well best of luck to everyone and I hope when "life" presents you with a question and you start going down a road that is mentally unhealthy...I hope you ask yourself, like I will, "Will all of it matter a year from now?"

Take care and until next time...