TRUE CONFESSIONS


OK. I realize that I am a grown man. My age is 35. But I have a confession that will make me seem like I am a 7 year old boy...LOL!!!
I am terrified of Lightening and Thunder! Yes, it is pouring down rain here and I am scared to death. I don't know what to do with myself. I though if I posted something that it might help. Of course I have had a couple of cocktails and that isn't hurting either!
I have always been scared of it and it's times like this that make me really want a MAN around. Someone that I can curl up with in bed and hide my face in their chest when the lightening crashes and the thunder claps!
Actually when you put a sexual turn on it...it doesn't seem like a bad idea! A Hot guy lying in my bed telling me to come join him. Telling me that He will take care of me and make everything Ok! YUM!!! That sounds pretty HOT! OF course, that isn't the way life is right now and I guess I will have to suck it up. Be a man. Tough out the storm! If only it were that easy.

I guess for the time being I will just have to get into bed, pull up the covers, and hide my face in the pillows until the storm passes!!!

It really is times like this that I wish I had a man...
Until Next Time...

MY MUSIC FOR THE WEEK...


OK, I dont normally suggest music for people to listen to. That is such a unique thing for everyone. But, Jeff Buckley is a guy that I have been listening to lately. The power and emotion in his voice is beautiful and tragic all at the same time. If you have never heard him...please check him out. I posted the lyrics to his songs "Last Goodbye"..."So Real". Amazing! Just check him out and let me know what you think.

"SO REAL"

Love, let me sleep tonight on you couch
And remember the smell of the fabric
Of your simple city dress

Oh... that was so real

We walked around til the moon got full like a plate
The wind blew an invocation and I fell asleep at the gate
And I never stepped on the cracks cause I thought Id hurt my mother
And I couldnt awake from the nightmare that sucked me in and pulled me under
Pulled me under

Oh... that was so real

I love you, but Im afraid to love you
I love you, but Im afraid to love you


"Last Goodbye"

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then i'll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know

This is our last embrace
Must I dream and always see your face
Why can't we overcome this wall
Well, maybe it's just because i didn't know you at all

Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation
You know it makes me so angry 'cause i know that in time
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye

Did you say 'no, this can't happen to me,'
And did you rush to the phone to call
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
Saying maybe you didn't know him at all
You didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know

Well, the bells out in the church tower chime



Well, I didnt have much to post about today. Well actually I did, just didnt feel like doing it. Tell you about it tomorrow.
Until Next Time...

REGRET...


Well, I had a golden opportunity today to "take the bull by the horns" so to speak, and I chickened out. I am very disappointed in myself. Actually, truth be told, I had two chances today but missed them both.

Lets start with the least important one...The guy from Friday. I had to goto the market on Friday for fresh flowers for an event we were having at work. Well, while I was at the market I had noticed an attractive guy to my left in a doctors coat. He was very cute and a little younger than me...I guess. As it turns out, I guess he thought I was attractive too because He started to cruise me in line. I am always amazed when guys cruise me...Not sure why, just am. Don't get me wrong, I am an attractive guy. Pretty handsome, if I do say so myself (FYI. I am laughing as I type this). Anyway. The guy ended up leaving and I thought that was the end of that. Well...I saw him again today! Same coat and he was walking in front of the window that I was changing out. He all but stopped to look at me and his friend called his name and it snapped him back to reality. What sealed the deal was that he stopped at the front doors to look for me and he smiled and walked away when our eyes met again. Now. If I was smart I would have walked out the door and introduced myself or, at the very least, walked and stood behind the counter where he would have seen me and maybe walked in himself. Opportunity...GONE!!! Not the end of the world. But disappointing, none the less!

The second chance that I missed today...Which was far more regretful was with Roy. Roy is a guy that I knew before I came out of the closet 7 years ago. I had the biggest crush on him and my manhood would often just spring to life when he entered the room. Of course, it would be nice if I gave you the complete story on Roy...He was my Music Minister at the church I had been attending. He always had a way about him that just made me weak. Of course when I came out...Changed churches...My time admiring Roy came to an end. Well not to be a "gossippy-hen"...There has been rumors that Roy actually was fired from the church because He was hiding a secrete. That of him being gay. YES! I know its all hear-say. But the source was very reliable and I do not doubt the validity of the story. OK...Back to the present! I saw Roy today! In line at Starbucks!!! I got an erection just at the sight of Him. He is very handsome and I can not believe that I...Yes, I just kept on walking. Didn't even say Hello! In my mind I had rationalized it by saying that it had been over 5 years since our last conversation. But I realize now that THAT is a POOR EXCUSE!!! He looked soooooo good. His blond hair had darkened and it was becoming grey at the temples. Very sexy! He was also sporting a goatee. Even more sexy. Even as I type this my heart is racing and there is a stirring in my boxers!
Well, I have never been so mad at myself. I let this chance pass me by. Granted (rationalization) he WAS with someone. Some older lady...NOT his wife! Good grief! I am sounding like a school girl! I just had to get this off my chest. It was a very dismal day today. My doctor coat boy and the crush of all crushes, ROY, came into my life today and I let them go...OOOHHHHHHH the shame!

Until Next Time...

AFTERNOONS...


OK, it's Sunday afternoon, the rain is falling and I feel a little blue. I have been cleaning up around here and I ran across some old photo's and cards. I guess whats sad about it all is that most of the cards brought back a flood of memories, not all of them good. They are from a time long ago and are from friends that have "wrote me off" because I was gay. I wouldnt change anything about the journey I have been on or the path that my life has taken...its just hard sometimes to face the fact that some people cannot accept you as you are. It is really sad to think of the good times that we had. All of the bonding. Fights. Laughs Cries. Its just sad. I thought that my friends and I would be close for ever. WE shared so much with one another and I guess it was just too much for them to handle. I dont usually go down "memory lane" but it just sorta happened. I will put the cards in a box and store them away. I should just throw them out...but I want to keep them. They remind me of the past and what a diffrent person I was. A man that was hiding. Lying to myself. Weak and vulnerable.
I have made major strides to embrace the man I have become. I feel complete and strong. I stand on my own and my head is held high.
Not sure why I felt like posting about this...its just where I am today, mentally speaking.
So, here is a toast to the PAST...PRESENT...and most of all, THE FUTURE!
CHEERS!!!
Until Next Time...

RELAXATION


Ok. So life, for me, has been a bit of a rollercoaster lately. No ones falt...Just life. I thought that it would be good to treat myself to a massage. I was correct. It was "good times" and I just wanted to share some of the things that happened that...Well...Almost made me laugh out of embarrassing.
First of all...The therapist's name is Ryan. He is really cute and has a very gentle spirit about him. Puts you at easy. Well, yours truly decided to scarf down some dinner before I went to the appointment. BIG MISTAKE!!! I felt like I was going to break wind at any moment. Do you realize how hard it is to keep your cheeks closed when someone is massaging your ass! Well, I think I turned a quarter into 2 dimes and a nickel. What made it worse is he used his whole fore arm to go over each cheek...ooohhhhh the pressure! I kept thinking I will never be able to come back to this guy. I am about to FART right in his face!!! It was not good. Well, I finally collected myself. Relaxed again and the gas subsided. Thank goodness. Now, onto the next part...
Let me say this...I am very modest. Way to body conscious. I am by now means fat. But somewhere in my mind I cannot let go of the "old fat me". It is a problem and I should goto therapy...But that's for another post.
Well, Ryan is working my thighs and legs. I am laying there Buttass naked and only a thin sheet covering my bits and pieces...Well decides to "come to life" right there on the table? Yes, James and the giant peaches!!! I swear. I have never been so beside myself. So I take the adult approach and rational and convince myself that "he has seen this before and its not a big deal." Well, it didn't work. I guess I should say that my inner thigh, for me, is like a start button when it comes to sex. I am 0 to 60 in no time when you start rubbing my inner thigh. Well, He kept at it and things rose to the occasion. Of course it didn't help that he kept brushing the "boys" in his upstrokes! I think, horror of all horrors, I might have even started to spring a leak! YIKES!!! With only this paper thin sheet to cover with. It looked like I was at a Boy Scout camp-out! Uuuggghhhhhh!
Oh well. I did, obviously, enjoy myself. AND I will go back to Ryan again. I think the next time I might just "take care of business" before I go though!
Ok, well, I have talked about nearly farting and getting an erection all in the space of a paragraph. It is time to go!
Until Next Time...