I wanted to tell you guys something...
I have always thought of myself as pretty independent. I live alone and I rely on no one to validate me as a person. I am single, and frankly, have been since coming out (7yrs next month). I come and go as I please. If I want something, I buy it...and so on. Of course this is a blessing and a curse.
When I came out, it was a very reflective time in my life. I had grown up in a very conservative christian home and all of my friends at the time were the same way. Of course those two worlds do not mix very well. I, like so many others, had to really examine things and keep what I thought was important. Unfortunately, my friends thought diffrently at the time and felt the need to end our friendships, some as long as 10 yrs. I dont say all of that to get pitty. Thats not my thing. I say it because during a very challenging part of my life I was alone. Well sorta. I had my faith, all be it rocky at the time, it did get me through some tough stuff. I have forgiven all of the people from my past and only look forward to the future. It was not an easy thing to let go of but you just have to sometimes.
You may be wondering..."what is he trying to say here..." Well, its my birthday in a month and I actually feel like Im in a great place. Mentally. I have come full circle with myself and my emotions and I am ready to embrace all that life has to offer me. I have spent the early part of my thirties trying to figure out what I had done wrong along the way. No more. That question has been answered. I have done nothing wrong except be true to who I was and am. If you dont know me...this is a huge thing. I am ready. I want it all. I want to give my heart away again and have it be loved in return. I want to keep true to me but grow with someone and learn about him... and more about myself for that matter. This is exciting. I have found true peace in my soul and feel much more complete now.
This bit of reflection was brought on last night when I was reading a guys blog. His name is John, I have no idea who he is or where he even lives. But while reading I saw myself in him 5 yrs ago. It was as if I wrote all this stuff down and put it in a time capsule. Strange, huh! Well, I decided to email him and let him know that I was thinking about him and tried to convey the message I would liked to have been told back then..."Peace, be still. Know that all is well. You are truly loved. It's just a low tide that you are in...High tide is coming!" Well... I got an email from him today. Telling me what a blessing I had been to him and how the things I had told him were things He really needed to hear. What a great thing. I was trying to help him...during which...inadvertantly, I helped myself. His email really made me appreciate all that my life has been and all that it will continue to be. Life is ready and waiting. And I am waking up from a very long nap, and YES...it is my turn! Until next time.

Hello evryone. I want to first of all say that I am excited about this new venture. This is something that I have always wanted to do but never took the time. That's part of the title. Of course the main reason for all of this is to get my thoughts out there and just to see what comes from it. I wanted a way to communicate the frustrations that I face from time to time. The highlights of my day. Maybe even some wisdom that I have stumbled across. Who knows...But the just of it will be just my life and how it is my turn to start living it fully. Until next time...