ABOUT YESTERDAYS POST...


I forgot to give some background to what, or should I say why I am feeling the way that I am about "the Guy". It might make more sense if you knew the whole story...
When I first came out, I had this huge crush on this guy, we will call him "Tom". At the time he was my best friend and we did everything together. Well, nearly everything. Tom was amazing and I didn't think it was possible for 2 guys to be more emotionally intimate than He and I were. We shared everything: fears, hopes, dreams, desires...You name it. We used to sit on His couch at night and just talk. Talk. Talk. We often cried with one another over frustrations we were having in life and how many things seemed hopeless. We were each others "rock"...What a friend should be right?!? Well, he also threw any a bit of flirting too, and I waited for the day for things to naturally happen. Cut to 2 years later..."Jim, I have something to tell you. I have started to date someone and it is getting pretty serious." Can you say, SHOCKED!!! Here I am thinking that things were about to happen with us and He goes off and finds another guy. It was devastating.
Tom and I are still friends. He and his now partner have been together this whole time. I am happy for him, for them both actually. I used to not be, but I am now.
Of course the whole experience has left me a little gun shy so to speak. All the guys that I have dated in the past seem to want only one thing form me...My Ass! I do have to say, its a nice one...LOL!!! But I am more than a slab of meat. Most of the guys in the past thought that a nice dinner + good conversation = SEX. That's not how I want things. I know that it sounds old fashioned, maybe I am, but I want to "make Love" with a man. I can have sex with anyone; even though I am horny 24/7 I would rather feel that connection. Make sense?
Well, back to Mr Current...He seems to be on the slow track like myself. Which should make me happy, right? Well. Its not. I get all of these feelings from the past come back and I think, any day now, He is going to tell me that there is someone else and I would have let my heart get all involved in something that, yet again, didn't work out.
Yes, I know that that is what love is all about. Taking risks. Chances. I understand that.
I just don't want to get hurt again like the way "Tom" hurt me.
I will keep you guys posted.
Until Next Time...